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Answer to The Conway Conundrum (from article on Cowboys` Locker page 1)

Well, apart from being a cheap Contract on a steel pole, it`s a C/D group aerial on a B

group transmitter ! It`d probably work OK in a strong signal area, but I`m unconvinced that

pointing through Edward The First`s 13th century town walls would be count as the latter.

That and the fact that it`s a Contract aerial and their gain curves can be inconsistent.

I can`t help thinking that the C/D group aerial was meant for Winter Hill but was put up by

someone who didn`t really know what they were doing. Winter Hill is used by a fair number

of people on the North coast of Wales, but aerials on it from Conway would be facing ENE

(towards Llandudno Junction) and be polarised Horizontally !

Forget Tony Blair or Bill Clinton, when we`re talking “The Third Way” we`re talking how

to route your aerial downlead.....

First, there was taping the cable

        to the side of the pole.

Then, there was running the cable

        down the inside of the pole.

But now, there`s routing the cable

        no where near the bleedin` pole !

Seriously though, we recommend taping the cable to the side of the pole, for the reasons see the article on this subject.

One thing the installer has done right is to install the 10ft pole on two 6” wall brackets (rather than T & Ks) because there is no

need for more than about three inches of “stand off”. That said, he`s used the cheapest nastiest pressed brackets, and why has he used an amplified 18 element Log Periodic (on the Emley Moor transmitter) when a Log40 or a Yagi18B would have been more appropriate ?

And he`s only used 2 screws per bracket....

This is Anthony, Anthony the anxious antenna.

His mates know him as Tony, Tony the timid TV aerial. He`s a bit shy and retiring,

thus explaining why he`s just peeping round the corner.

Anthony has a crush on Emily (as in Emily Moor) but can only worship her from afar, because he becomes rather bashful in her presence. It`s all very sad......

Things are even worse for Anthony`s mate Derek, Derek the defensive dipole.

Derek`s diffident you see, but he fancies Emily just as much as Anthony, if not more.

It`s just as important for him to get a good view of Emily, but he`s half hidden from her.

It can`t possibly work out, it really can`t, not unless Emily was up really really close......

Maybe Bertie (as in Bertie the bleedin` bodger) should`ve enlisted the help of Walter

(that`s Walter the worthwhile wall) and mounted the bracket there. That way both Anthony and Derek would get a clear view of Emily, and everyone could`ve lived happily ever after.

But obviously Bertie couldn`t be arsed......

(with apologies to Thomas the tank engine, the best kid`s TV series ever, until they bloody ruin it by using Computer Generated Images rather than those wonderful models........)  

This install is actually even more of a bodge than it looks. I think that “wall bracket” is actually a chimney bracket ! It`s the cheapest flimsiest type available, i.e a pressed bracket. In fact it is so insubstantial that Bertie was able to bend it flat enough to use in this

rather “creative” manner.

The whole thing is so s**t that Albert`s use

of a 1” alloy pole is almost an irrelevance.....

OK I admit these installs aren`t that bad but it just amuses me that some installers can`t use a hacksaw and some seem to use one when they don`t even need to !

At least the installer doesn`t suffer from Hacksawitus....

Both of these brackets are in fact mitre chimney types but the installer has just chopped off part of them and used them as wall brackets instead !

We`ll not mention the use of ungalvanised rust prone bracketry (doesn`t it look awful....) or the fact that install on the right is mounted on the fascia.....

Cowboys` Locker Page 2              (Also see Cowboys` Locker Page 1 )

What is wrong with this aerial installation which is

aligned on Crosspool transmitter ?    (answer below)

Just to narrow it down a bit, the aerial is a wideband, and the answer isn`t the fact that it has a 6” pressed bracket (on a 6ft pole), or that it`s a bendy “Bacofoil aerial”, or the bodger hasn`t changed the rusty steel pole, or even the white insulation tape.....

I actually saw the chap putting it up and I was

tempted to tell him what was wrong with it,

but I thought,  “Nah, can`t be arsed !”

I know that 6” pressed brackets are a bit flimsy, but what the hell is

going on here ?

I can only assume that

the original bracket was loose and Bertie didn`t want to change it, so he cobbled together a

piece of bent metal and screwed it into the top

of the chimney to add support.

I`m lucky enough to be able to walk to work

and I pass this every

day so it`s great to have something to amuse

me every morning !

These pics were sent in by Patrick Holdaway from Shaw, and I have to say I was rather

suspicious that he`d “posed” them..... However he swears they`re genuine and I think we

should give him the benefit of the doubt don`t you !

I reckon “Fool`s Gold” is good title for this set of pictures, after all how can anyone build up an aerial so badly ?  I`d have thought even crappy “Bacofoil aerials” like these would come with instructions, but even if they don`t, the chap only has to look at all the other aerials !

And he can`t even be bothered to do that, you see all this observing, it`s just too much effort......

This install is so bad it`s worth more than one picture, and while we`re at it note the use of the “Loft Kit” to mount the aerial outside. Patrick was good enough to go back and get some pictures in the sunlight and in the time between the two being taken the install has already started tipping forward....

I reckon this really is a Bleedin` Blackburn Bodge.

Ironically it does also prove that I`m not exactly perfect myself, because when I conducted

a series of aerial separation tests I didn`t ever test them this close together. Never in my

wildest dreams did I think anyone would ever install aerials with the dipole and directors

actually overlapping ! In fact I`m getting tempted to go back and repeat the tests with the

aerials this close just to see how much difference it makes.

We already know that there is no need to install more then one aerial, though many people

seem to, but try as I might I cannot think of any reason why these three antennas have

been crowded together like this. Perhaps the installer was a member of the RSPCA and he

wanted them to huddle together for warmth ?

More likely he was just too tight to fit a longer pole.

To be frank I`m so offended by this install, if perpetrator really is that skint I`ll send him a   

longer pole pole FREE OF CHARGE. He`ll have to pay for the carriage though.

Actually, on reflection, I think I`ve changed my mind. I`ll stand the shipping costs, it`ll be

worth it just to see if the errant installer has the bare faced cheek to actually own up to it !

One last point, the errant installer has actually installed two of these abominable aerials on his house and he`s obviously learning along the way, but the second one still  isn`t right !

What exactly is the cradle doing when the aerial`s been end mounted ?

He`s an adherent of  “The Third Way”,  and his

other install is also suffering from `bodgers droop`.

Also see “It`s Gold ! “

Going, going........   (how long to gone ?)

As we`ve said on the Poles & Brackets page

It`s pretty rare for a chimney bracket to fail, particularly if it`s a welded one, it`s the masonry which fails.

Basically this installer has used a 6” bracket for a 6ft pole (and with three aerials on it) !

We wouldn`t recommend that, we`d use an

8” mitre bracket. And we wouldn`t put it on the top few courses of brickwork either.....

Also see “Stuart the startled starling”.

Well some people really do never learn do they ?

Bertie then went and put another aerial up which

was also horizontally polarised. Obviously he`s yet

to bother actually learning anything about aerial

installing.

Incidentally that Crappy Contract aerial at least

goes with the Bendy Bacofoil one he`s already put

up. Hopefully the two lower class antennas will be

perfectly happy together, in their incorrectly

polarised world.

That contract aerial`s second hand as well, I hope

he told the customer that. And an A group won`t pick up all the digital off Crosspool either....

Who would fit a secondhand grouped contract

aerial on a wideband transmitter ?

The installer (or the customer) must be tighter

than a camel`s arse in a sandstorm !

But, of course, he didn`t need to fit two aerials anyway !

It`s not unusual for people to get confused between all the different reception systems, you know

the kind of thing. Customers thinking they can get digital using their Freeview box with their

satellite dish. Generally we suck on our teeth a bit, then breath in slowly and finally reply that

they`re confusing two different systems, it isn`t actually possible to get a Freeview signal from

their satellite, they need an aerial for that....... Having said that, I`d be the first to admit that all this

digital TV thing can be a bit perplexing for the best of us. And now the situation becomes even

more bewildering, because this picture proves that, just occasionally, well OK let`s be clear

about this, very occasionally, you actually might be able to get Freeview from your satellite dish.

This picture is from Dave at Dumfries Digital, and the title "Duff In Dumfries" comes to mind.

Merging of media ? Not like this surely ? As Dave says "it`s an aerial Jim, but not as we know it".

Actually he comments that it gave a reasonable signal, because (by pure chance ?) it was pointing in the general direction of the transmitter.

Have you noticed how often these bodgers are so bleedin` flukey ?

Note how the crappy Contract aerial has also lost an element (the gap between the 1st and 3rd).

See tests of a reflectorless aerial.

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